Business Lesson 6
Text 1: Formal and Informal Requests
Today’s lesson is about Written Correspondence and the difference between a formal and informal email. The following examples are responses to a previous offer of employment email at The Bank of America.
The first is in an informal format and the second is formal.
Hello Mr. Robinson,
Thanks for the offer.
I’m definitely going to think a lot about it and it seems pretty good to me. What does it pay? Do I get any sort of perks?
Maybe we should meet up to talk about it some more. I think quitting time is somewhere around 6pm, does that sound good?
Let me know!
Associate Investor, HSBC
In most cases, the letterhead of an email to a potential employer should never begin with a “hello”.
In addition, the language used in the email is very colloquial and even contains some slang. For example, although “thanks” is widely accepted in spoken English, it is very informal when written.
The use of contractions such as “I’m” and low-level words like “good” and “get” should be used as least as possible.
When responding to a formal email, language should be proper and elevated from letterhead to signature (save the everyday language for an everyday conversation).
Here is a proper response and a good example Written Correspondence in the workplace:
Dear Mr. Robinson,
I greatly appreciate your offer to work at The Bank of America. It would be a pleasure and a fantastic opportunity to join your team at your Washington branch.
Like any good investor I have a few inquiries about our contract. I was hoping to confirm my fixed salary and also my benefits as a Bank of America employee.
Is it possible that we meet for coffee this week and iron out the details?
Associate Investor, HSBC Boston, Mass. Branch No.312
Other than the obvious elevated and occasion-appropriate language, note the difference in the letterhead and closing remarks/signature. “Hello” is replaced by “Dear”, and the horribly colloquial “cheers” by “best regards”.
Notable as well is the use of William’s complete name and position at HSBC (this denotes a higher sense of professionalism in an employee and also represents a person’s pride in their name and job title).
Bear in mind the language used to tiptoe around the obvious questions. For example, instead of directly asking about “pay”, in the formal example he asks to “confirm” and “iron out” details.
Most importantly, if you wish to make an appointment with a person of interest that is likely to have a much busier schedule than you, give the recipient a timeline, but not a ridiculous one (ex. 6pm that evening). Present them with the idea of a meeting and state that you would like it to be this week at some point.
Remember, this is your future job and this is your future boss. Everything you say and do counts even more so from this moment forward especially the written correspondence.
an offer of employment
a letter format
a perk, a benefit
the language used
the use of contractions
an enquiry, an inquiry
the fixed salary
a sense of professionalism
pride in their job
a job title
a person of interest
the recipient (of the letter)
Does that sound good?
to save something for
to iron out the details
to tiptoe around something
to present someone with something
somewhere around 6pm
in most cases
as least as possible